She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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