I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
