First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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