he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
