Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
