My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
