Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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