Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
