my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
