hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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