You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
