i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
