I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
