I want to walk on stilts...naked
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize