Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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