I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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