I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
