after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
