The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
