i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
