If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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