I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
