Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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