We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
