I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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