i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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