I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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