I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
