At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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