I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
