She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
