I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just want to make out with him forever
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
