People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
