someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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