You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
