she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
