Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
