how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
