I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
