Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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