i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
