I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
