Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
