I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
