I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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