Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
