if only i could text you this smell
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
