She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
