i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Come on in and take your pants off
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