dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
