I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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