my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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