nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
