if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
