Kiss
Puke
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I cockslap morals
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
